The Best Thing We Could Do...

“There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root.” Henry David Thoreau

As a legislator, I think a lot about what I can do to make Utah a better place. What initiatives can I promote? What legislation can I run? Looking around, there are so many things that need doing.

But the issue that would make the greatest difference for Utahns individually and collectively, now and in the future, has no simple legislative fix. Addressing this issue would prevent human suffering, lower crime and incarceration rates, reduce homelessness, depression, mental illness…even physical illness. As an added bonus, It would save state taxpayers billions of dollars every year. 

So if I had a magic wand, what would I do? I would fortify parents to minimize or eliminate “adverse childhood experiences,” also known as ACEs. 

Thanks to studies conducted since the 1990s by the CDC and others, we know that these childhood traumas are huge predictors of an amazing array of lifelong health and social problems: 

ABUSE
1. Physical abuse
2. Emotional abuse 
3. Sexual abuse 
NEGLECT
4. Physical neglect
5. Emotional neglect
HOME DYSFUNCTION
6. Mental illness in the home
7. Incarcerated immediate family member
8. Mother or stepmother abused
9. Substance abuse in the home
10. Parents separated or divorced 

Many people have observed that parenthood does not come with an owner’s manual. Most parents do the best they can under adverse circumstances themselves. Many are dealing with their own childhood traumas. Sometimes parents become overwhelmed and believe that they are coping with life in never-ending “survival mode.” Sometimes they make bad decisions that adversely affect their kids. They may not inflict these traumas on their children themselves, but adverse experiences creep in. 

The good news is, kids are resilient. They will bounce back from just about anything, but not everything and not all the way back. They pay a price, and society often pays a price as well. 

So what can we do? 

Parents can protect their children from abuse of all kinds (and if they are the source of the abuse, they can seek treatment.) They can make sure children's physical and emotional needs are met. If parents have mental illness or substance abuse issues, or if they are abused or abusive, they can seek treatment. They can obey the law to avoid incarceration. They can seek counseling to help their marriages thrive and keep their families intact, if at all possible. 

People who do not have children in their homes can offer encouragement and support to parents and to children. No one needs a critic, but every parent and every child needs a friend. 

Children do not require perfect homes or perfect parents, thank goodness, but they do need sanctuary. Nurturing and protecting the children in our care now will pay huge dividends in the future – for the children themselves, for their spouses and children, and for society at large. 

The thing I feel compelled to say is – our homes need to be strong, and in the ways they are not strong, we need to strengthen them. There are all kinds of ways this can be done, and all kinds of reasons it must be done. 

If you have children in your sphere of influence, love them, protect them, care for them, and model good interpersonal behavior for them. It’s important. 

It is within our power to prevent future suffering. Strengthening our individual homes is one of the best things we can do to build a bright future for ourselves, our families, our state, and our nation. 

Strong homes, strong state, strong nation. 

A Quote:

This is the true nature of home — it is the place of Peace; the shelter, not only from all injury, but from all terror, doubt, and division. In so far as it is not this, it is not home; so far as the anxieties of the outer life penetrate into it, and the inconsistently-minded, unknown, unloved, or hostile society of the outer world is allowed by either husband or wife to cross the threshold, it ceases to be home; it is then only a part of that outer world which you have roofed over, and lighted fire in. But so far as it is a sacred place, a vestal temple, a temple of the hearth watched over by Household Gods, before those faces none may come but those whom they can receive with love, — so far as it is this, and roof and fire are types only of a nobler shade and light, —…so far it vindicates the name, and fulfills the praise, of home. – John Ruskin